Monday humour: The Barbara Cartland experience

By Gordon Rugg

Have you ever wondered what a Barbara Cartland novel is like, but never quite got round to finding out?

If so, you no longer need to wonder; I’ve put a representative small sample below the fold.

cartland4

(Original photo, plus images from wikipedia: details at the end of this article.)

The extract below is the opening sentence of Dame Barbara Cartland’s The Lioness and the Lily.

As the Earl of Rockbrook drove down the drive of the enormous Georgian mansion which had been in his family since the days of Charles II, he felt no pride of possession.

The rest, in case you’re wondering, is remarkably consistent in terms of quality and historical accuracy.

After reading it, I felt that no other Cartland novel could surpass it, so I’ve read no other Cartland novels since then.

In case you’re wondering how I managed to readjust to everyday life after that life-changing literary experience, the answer is that I read the complete works of Lovecraft.

Which sparked the thought: If only Dame Barbara had turned her unique writing style to stories of the Elder Gods, how different might the world of horror have been…

Notes

The photo of The Lioness and the Lily is one that I took, of my own copy of the book. I’m using it under fair use policy (humour, and it’s an image of a time-worn cover).

The other photos come from the locations below. I’ve slightly cropped them to fit, and given a faint pink wash to the pictures of Lovecraft and Cthulhu to make them more in keeping with the Cartland ethos.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cthulhu#mediaviewer/File:Cthulhu_sketch_by_Lovecraft.jpg

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/H._P._Lovecraft#mediaviewer/File:Lovecraft1934.jpg

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barbara_Cartland#mediaviewer/File:Dame_Barbara_Cartland_Allan_Warren.jpg

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